Naked thoughts,
prance about in raincoats.
Real underneath,
Passion pours forth her words.
The flow of her several day journey,
bus ride, walk, hitchhiking,
eating when she could,
At the barred gate,
An left her heart broken.
She took away belittlement and alienation.
My Teacher has been busy cooking.
An’s passion returns does slowly.
Her restored passion becomes increased vitality.
A kind of hope that does not hope,
We are not attached to her journey to find her mother.
Teacher, An and I talked for hours,
about whatever An wanted to talk about.
When An finally became tired of our attention,
We were told another version of An' story.
Reality strikes ... or so the story goes ...
An walked out of the coal mine,
walked out of town,
walked out on her life.
An’s imagination had carried her off before.
A divide was created
I know I am lucky.
I know I am directing myself
Self that eats light and shines
She was burned
All that she had yet to see in her self,
all that she had yet to encounter of herself,
all that is and ever was in her life,
In her balancing of all her colours,
We all ride the cycles of life's darkness,
and circle the hilights of our individual ecosystem.
An discovered her unseen fears and confusion
Life is sensational,
and benefits from being sensed to the fullest.
Self in the midst of becoming more,
uses sense to fully expand into more.
Transformation is change of self.
Expanding truth of life embraces truth of love.
Transforming love of life transforms love of self.
Transforming love of self transforms love of life.
~~ Other People's Fingerprints ~~~
Twenty-five hundred years ago,
The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
contained wise words for future generations:
"Everybody on Earth knowing
that beauty is beautiful
makes ugliness.
Everybody knowing
that goodness is good
makes wickedness.
For being and nonbeing
arise together;
hard and easy
complete each other;
long and short
shape each other;
high and low
depend on each other;
note and voice
make the music together;
before and after
follow each other.
That's why the wise soul
does without doing,
teaches without talking.
The things of this world
exist, they are;
you can't refuse them.
To bear and not to own;
to act and not lay claim;
to do the work and let it go:
for just letting it go
is what makes it stay.
Above, from the 1997 "Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching"
English version by Ursula K. Le Guin
Below, her chapter notes:
"One of the things I read in this chapter
is that values and beliefs
are not only culturally constructed
but also part of the interplay of yin and yang,
the great reversals that maintain the living balance of the world.
To believe that our beliefs are permanent truths
which encompass reality is sad arrogance.
To let go of that belief is to find safety.
Sometime after 1821, Henri Federic Amiel said;
“Hope is only the love of life.”
Andre Gide said;
“Our judgments about things vary
according to
the time left us to live
that we think is left us to live...”
Sometime after 1912, Sir John Marks Templeton said;
“If governments encourage people
to become more spiritual
there will be a reduction in healthcare.”
prance about in raincoats.
Real underneath,
feeling the silky lining,
of my waterproof topcoat.
of my waterproof topcoat.
Naked thoughts,
dance in the dark.
underneath creases.
dance in the dark.
underneath creases.
These overshadowed thoughts
hope to catch my attention,
so they can be elevated,
so they can be elevated,
to my surface,
to dance lighter
to dance lighter
as they become.
Passion can sputter,
frustrated,
only to magically,
transform,
frustrated,
only to magically,
transform,
into a gift
of self-awareness -
a guide of heart,
an order of discovery,
a revealing of humanity,
as, the truly is.
a guide of heart,
an order of discovery,
a revealing of humanity,
as, the truly is.
Home,
the unregulated temperature
of my portable electric-coil burner.
the unregulated temperature
of my portable electric-coil burner.
My roommate’s polenta burns,
as she describes the beauty
of her native Venice Italy.
Venice is
Italian colour
made transparent
during Winter fog.
as she describes the beauty
of her native Venice Italy.
Venice is
Italian colour
made transparent
during Winter fog.
Quite out of breath
my Teacher bursts
into our room,
my Teacher bursts
into our room,
she ran the length
of the campus courtyard,
that, which, divides
of the campus courtyard,
that, which, divides
Teacher and Students,
and is also the one compound
and is also the one compound
that unites us.
My Teacher begs me
to come with her
back to her room.
to come with her
back to her room.
I hear a stagger of words
caught between her gasps.
A jumble tumbling from her mouth.
“She has an unexpected visitor -
caught between her gasps.
A jumble tumbling from her mouth.
“She has an unexpected visitor -
a guest from her Hometown Village,
an old childhood friend named An.”
an old childhood friend named An.”
I pick up my shoes ...
no time to put them on properly.
Teacher grab-pulls my sweater,
my knitted arm stretches me
forward out the door.
Teacher explains on route
that An is acting strange ...
appearing on her threshold
torn and dirty.
no time to put them on properly.
Teacher grab-pulls my sweater,
my knitted arm stretches me
forward out the door.
Teacher explains on route
that An is acting strange ...
appearing on her threshold
torn and dirty.
Together as children they were best friends,
in a northern China coal-mining town.
in a northern China coal-mining town.
Teacher passed the college entrance examinations.
An failed the vital exams,
so she was assigned work in the local coal mine.
so she was assigned work in the local coal mine.
I am not sure
of the significance of her story,
of the significance of her story,
until Teacher and I arrive on the scene.
In the corner An sits dusty grey and black,
coal mine smeared on her face, hair and clothes,
everything about her appears wrinkled nothing.
No time to assume that her appearance
was a result from a few days’ rough travel,
and lack of personal hygiene and sleep.
Teacher’s face is scared straight.
Frightened by An’s despondent behaviour.
Frightened by An’s despondent behaviour.
I pour warm water into a basin.
I clean off this long distance traveler.
I clean off this long distance traveler.
I find out why An suddenly appeared .
Why now, in Beijing, unraveled,
Why now, in Beijing, unraveled,
looking at loose ends.
I wash An's hands.
I see she is presently not here.
I see she is presently not here.
It is obvious that An’s mind is not fully conscious.
She is somewhere else, somewhere far away.
She is somewhere else, somewhere far away.
With warm water and gentleness
I coax An to tell her story.
I coax An to tell her story.
Passion pours forth her words.
The flow of her several day journey,
bus ride, walk, hitchhiking,
eating when she could,
sleeping where she felt safe.
An declared she came to find Mother.
I made soup for An while she unwound.
An told us that on her village's television,
her long lost mother was interviewed,
her long lost mother was interviewed,
in Beijing after winning a national science award.
An was thrown into a fit of obsession,
compelled to travel,
compelled to travel,
under influence of compulsion,
fueled into motion,
by a potential Mother-Daughter reunion.
fueled into motion,
by a potential Mother-Daughter reunion.
An arrived here, today.
She made her way arriving,
She made her way arriving,
directly, at her Mother’s science academy.
An's cries and pleas at the security fence,
created a rough and rude rejection at the gate.
created a rough and rude rejection at the gate.
The Security Guard insisted,
the award winning scientist was not married,
did not have children,
and no displays of passion by An,
would unlock within him any degree of compassion.
Nothing could tempt him to open the gates of Beijing.
the award winning scientist was not married,
did not have children,
and no displays of passion by An,
would unlock within him any degree of compassion.
Nothing could tempt him to open the gates of Beijing.
At the barred gate,
An left her heart broken.
She took away belittlement and alienation.
An is still shaking with fury.
Tonight she is in full blame and anger.
All her pain and suffering is directed at,
Tonight she is in full blame and anger.
All her pain and suffering is directed at,
and is the fault of the Security Guard.
"... wrong assumptions must be punished ...
... he must be toppled from his job position ...
... he ruined her prolonged anticipation ...
... who has the right, no one has the right ...
... he must be toppled from his job position ...
... he ruined her prolonged anticipation ...
... who has the right, no one has the right ...
to come between a Mother and Daughter reuniting!"
I comb An’s hair and wash her face.
I understand by now, that An does not have a famous Mother.
My Teacher has been busy cooking.
We urge, a hot bowl into An's cold hands.
Teacher and I make eye contact, and we hope.
We share our hope that our combined attention,
Teacher and I make eye contact, and we hope.
We share our hope that our combined attention,
will bring presence back in, to, An.
Restore An, rejuvenate her physical,
Restore An, rejuvenate her physical,
and emotionally draining journey.
An’s passion returns does slowly.
Her restored passion becomes increased vitality.
A kind of hope that does not hope,
a vitality vital to presence and being present.
We continue to stoke An's internal fire,
We continue to stoke An's internal fire,
hoping to rekindle her ambition for life.
We are not attached to her journey to find her mother.
I look into An’s eyes as I comb her hair ...
I see glimpses of the girl she used to be.
An begins to doze,
Teacher describes to me,
Teacher describes to me,
An's on-the-job reality.
An breathed a daily dose at work,
a truth never dreamed of possible for her Self.
An breathed a daily dose at work,
a truth never dreamed of possible for her Self.
Confusing physical reality for spiritual truth,
An's emotional certainty
An's emotional certainty
diffused then darkened -
her passions exhausted,
became all but suffocated,
her passions exhausted,
became all but suffocated,
extinguished, until her clarity
regarding her life's aspirations
become uncertain.
The coal mine's darkness,
which An inhaled daily,
was a narrow passageway,
which An inhaled daily,
was a narrow passageway,
a dark mineshaft that dimmed,
and restricted An's imagination.
The daily routine hollowed out her haloed spirit.
An sunk deeper into a pit of despair.
An's being, became, one of a Being overshadowed -
An's being, became, one of a Being overshadowed -
a life murky, full of negative thoughts and apparitions.
Inhaled long and deep enough,
Inhaled long and deep enough,
a type of darkness descends,
the chest fills with a soot and grime,
the chest fills with a soot and grime,
that overtime can persuade
a person to dig their own grave.
An woke slightly.
Teacher, An and I talked for hours,
about whatever An wanted to talk about.
When An finally became tired of our attention,
she went to bed, she laid down to rest.
Teacher phoned their Hometown Village.
Teacher phoned their Hometown Village.
We were told another version of An' story.
Reality strikes ... or so the story goes ...
An walked out of the coal mine,
walked out of town,
walked out on her life.
Apparently, this was not the first time.
An’s imagination had carried her off before.
Self-illusion took her on a never-ending,
often wandering journey,
into the unexplored un-mined,
shadow recesses of her own mind.
into the unexplored un-mined,
shadow recesses of her own mind.
An’s family were impressed
that this time An had made it
all the way to Beijing.
An's Hometown Village birth Mother promised,
she would take the first bus here, to take An home.
she would take the first bus here, to take An home.
The next morning, I was woken by Teacher
in despair, insistently knocking at my door.
At Dawn, An had snuck out,
now was out of sight,
now was out of sight,
a gone girl, gone wrong.
An left on a walk to somewhere.
Teacher and I quickly searched the campus.
Although we did not want to admit it,
in our hearts both of us knew
An left on a walk to somewhere.
Teacher and I quickly searched the campus.
Although we did not want to admit it,
in our hearts both of us knew
where we might find An.
We found An.
We found An.
Her body crumpled and pressed against
the fence of the Beijing TV station.
Her cries produced salt-water tears,
which mixed with the rust on the gate bars.
Vertical stripes were etched,
and lined the length of An's face.
Strings of streaming acidic tears
pressed and burned her flesh.
A divide was created
between emotional and physical worlds -
what the locked gate kept in,
what the locked gate kept in,
the released tears let out.
An appeared tattooed,
An appeared tattooed,
by the patterns of imprisonment ...
so many years, too many tears,
so many years, too many tears,
a Soul barred restricted from crying.
Now,
water poured out of her body,
streamed from her unexplored oceans within,
streamed from her unexplored oceans within,
An's soul soaked our world wet.
Cellular salt eroding the battery,
Cellular salt eroding the battery,
constant barrage of secured bars and locked gates.
Overnight,
An had darkened into herself.
She kept insisting to us;
She kept insisting to us;
she lived in Beijing,
she had never worked in a coal mine,
she had never worked in a coal mine,
her famous Mother would come for her,
claim her, embrace her, be proud of her,
claim her, embrace her, be proud of her,
raise her, raise her up, and rescue her.
A flame on a candle can run out of wick and wax,
Not enough light, An’s passion grew and sputtered out.
Not enough light, An’s passion grew and sputtered out.
An became still. Quiet.
Contracted into the light of her darkest spaces.
Her inner chambers, of her templed Being,
hid her wisdom, archived away her preciousness.
She now lived the result of channelling
most of her passion into her fantasies.
A choice-reality,
from which she could not escape,
but she could act out her presence
but she could act out her presence
to hopefully, manifest her fantasy into presence.
An's all,
her energy and intelligence,
seemed to recede to a time,
when her body generated its blackest hole.
An's black hold
emanated from a deeper place
than the shadows
she experienced in the coal mine.
She passed her young days,
grinding metal against rock,
ax-picking the immovable,
ax-picking the immovable,
trying to free herself,
manifest inner movement.
Often,
I think of people I know.
individuals who appear
individuals who appear
to be spending their lives,
doing things they do not want to do.
doing things they do not want to do.
I know I am lucky.
I know I am directing myself
with precision awareness and courage.
I am leading my life by choice and self-assertion -
developing my insight and inner certainty.
I create and generate my mindful energy.
I believe in human potential
I am leading my life by choice and self-assertion -
developing my insight and inner certainty.
I create and generate my mindful energy.
I believe in human potential
to create more by channeling
imagination, passion and potential.
Creating presence to create my present.
Creating presence to create my present.
At any given moment of time,
I re-live my truth, I re-create my values,
I re-live my truth, I re-create my values,
I live forever by respecting myself infinitely.
I witnessed An’s passion ignite and explode
upwards into her own personal fireworks,
a display of An's expression, of her form.
In brilliant outbursts her light appeared,
a display of An's expression, of her form.
In brilliant outbursts her light appeared,
lasting, moments then contracting
sinking, silently, downward.
In the her fall from establishment,
society's heights, rules and regulations,
An seemed to lose her colour, her uniqueness.
An seemed to lose her colour, her uniqueness.
I learned from An how to value my stature,
enjoy the moments in life when my passion is ignited,
respect the times my creativity reached heights of wonder.
enjoy the moments in life when my passion is ignited,
respect the times my creativity reached heights of wonder.
I now watch my Self even more carefully.
I turn my awareness inward into myself,
I turn my awareness inward into myself,
to see how I possess, process,
prolong my own passion's journey.
An taught me to love my Self every moment -
and to witness if I am separating
and to witness if I am separating
my self-respect from my self-worth.
An taught me that when we divorce love from self,
a breaking point is created from lack of self-nourishment.
I believe none of us are broken -
not one, single one of us,
An taught me that when we divorce love from self,
a breaking point is created from lack of self-nourishment.
I believe none of us are broken -
not one, single one of us,
is deficient or in need of fixing.
When passion’s hold
crazes personality into zeal,
and when ardor seeks
a creative outlet
to detonate it's disperse -
the experience is release,
the experience is release,
renewal, transformation,
revitalization and reconsideration.
Transformation
Transformation
can feel like nothing
we have ever felt before.
Human senses naturally sense alteration,
Human senses naturally sense alteration,
and will refocus to support change.
The human body is designed
The human body is designed
to always want the best for us -
when we lead inward,
when we lead inward,
we lead in,
and our body follows on,
on to our path
of our natural journey.
We become infinitely more
We become infinitely more
of what we set our sights on,
and we become more of
what we want to become.
Ages ago,
An would have been publicly avoided,
burned at the stake as a witch,
or sent to an asylum
or sent to an asylum
for being psycho-logically inane.
An found within her void,
her internal eternal,
Self that always exists -
Self that always exists -
that Self,
which still breathes in the dark,
and is always lit by truth.
which still breathes in the dark,
and is always lit by truth.
Self that eats light and shines
especially bright in the dark.
The form of An's actions,
made no sense to anyone,
but the making and unmaking
her own personal truths set An free.
made no sense to anyone,
but the making and unmaking
her own personal truths set An free.
The last I heard of An,
she knew her self again.
She created a way to unmake
She created a way to unmake
and remake peace with her self.
She understood her light side,
She understood her light side,
by acting out her dark side,
she knows she is her light,
her dark and her every colour in-between.
She renovated, renewed
and restructured her reality -
by restoring her self to herself,
through updating
through updating
and expanding her self-image,
An created ways and means
for her presence to become more persistent.
Her persistence of vision manifested her version of reality.
Her search for herself began,
the moment she felt her life,
being compromised.
Her search for herself began,
the moment she felt her life,
being compromised.
She knew wanted more personal power,
so, she chose to create opportunity.
She choose to live her life,
so, she chose to create opportunity.
She choose to live her life,
by giving her self more choices.
She was burned
by how brightly
her mind wanted illumination,
but her hope kept her
from taking action ...
until one day she knew action
was louder than fears,
and tears she led her
to rediscover herself,
to self-discover a truer self-identity.
An’s actions to act out her fantasy,
created waves of vitality,
for her submerged brilliance,
to drive her consciousness to her surface.
She surfaced her darkest unexplored parts of her Self.
for her submerged brilliance,
to drive her consciousness to her surface.
She surfaced her darkest unexplored parts of her Self.
All that she had yet to see in her self,
all that she had yet to encounter of herself,
all that is and ever was in her life,
all that is and forever was her brilliance -
she had yet to expose to her self.
she had yet to expose to her self.
In her balancing of all her colours,
to recharge her inner light alive,
and illuminate her living life cycles,
An re-existed, regenerated her heart,
and illuminate her living life cycles,
An re-existed, regenerated her heart,
to resurrect her life in full living spectrum.
We all ride the cycles of life's darkness,
and circle the hilights of our individual ecosystem.
An discovered her unseen fears and confusion
are actually her Being, becoming overwhelmed.
Busied beyond her senses,
the nonsensical became what she live,
and by living these untruths life became unsensible.
Life is sensational,
and benefits from being sensed to the fullest.
Self in the midst of becoming more,
uses sense to fully expand into more.
Transformation is change of self.
Expanding truth of life embraces truth of love.
Transforming love of life transforms love of self.
Transforming love of self transforms love of life.
~~ Other People's Fingerprints ~~~
Twenty-five hundred years ago,
The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu
contained wise words for future generations:
"Everybody on Earth knowing
that beauty is beautiful
makes ugliness.
Everybody knowing
that goodness is good
makes wickedness.
For being and nonbeing
arise together;
hard and easy
complete each other;
long and short
shape each other;
high and low
depend on each other;
note and voice
make the music together;
before and after
follow each other.
That's why the wise soul
does without doing,
teaches without talking.
The things of this world
exist, they are;
you can't refuse them.
To bear and not to own;
to act and not lay claim;
to do the work and let it go:
for just letting it go
is what makes it stay.
Above, from the 1997 "Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching"
English version by Ursula K. Le Guin
Below, her chapter notes:
"One of the things I read in this chapter
is that values and beliefs
are not only culturally constructed
but also part of the interplay of yin and yang,
the great reversals that maintain the living balance of the world.
To believe that our beliefs are permanent truths
which encompass reality is sad arrogance.
To let go of that belief is to find safety.
Sometime after 1821, Henri Federic Amiel said;
“Hope is only the love of life.”
Andre Gide said;
“Our judgments about things vary
according to
the time left us to live
that we think is left us to live...”
Sometime after 1912, Sir John Marks Templeton said;
“If governments encourage people
to become more spiritual
there will be a reduction in healthcare.”
Beijing, China 1990
