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Every Day Acts of Peace

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Los Angeles 2010: I Fully Exist

My poems
took me my entire life to produce.
The stories I tell 
are non-scripted 
aberrations 
of time, travel and tension.

My earlier work was violent, 
absurd, non-linear and sad.
Lesions oozing 
from the world 
of stirred realities 
and confused illusions,
I never knew 
which was which …
but I always felt 
every breath deeply 
and every tear dramatically –
that is when I could cry…
most times my eyes 
were blind and dry –
I had seen and given, 
too much of myself
to produce any more 
expendable moisture 
of any kind.

I gave away my Soul 
each moment, 
while creating the art 
of my living.
I gave away 
my Soul, 
performing 
for the masses, 
of undesiring 
audiences.

I no longer stand 
on window ledges 
and rooftops watching 
pedestrians,
shouting out to them, 
at them 
or with them…

Nor do I write 
anymore of wounds
to perpetuate 
the violent complexity 
of my inner struggle,
and defeated Self-esteem.

I no longer 
bang my head 
against walls, 
sidewalks 
or doorways 
to the unknown.

I no longer 
roam the streets 
homeless,
rejected 
and denied
with no place to sleep,
and no sleep to reap 
deeply fulfilling dreams.

There are things that I have seen 
that no one should ever have to witness seen.

There are words that I have heard 
that no one should ever have to hear spoken.

Due to it all, life, my life -
this experience of living hell 
and questionable mental sanity -
I have blossomed –
flowered from a seed hiding, 
germinating, in the dirt,
into a woman forged of fortitude
to battle standing up 
the chaos of the world within,
and the world without.

I know I am foolish enough 
to always find a store of optimism,
to forgive everything
and wake up the next day, fully present,
having forgot the ruin 
and destruction of the past day before.

I know that I am a loving person,
and that each moment is an opportunity 
to redefine myself, to myself, for myself.

I know fully
that each day 
is an exercise in discovering - 
new ways to love myself,
no matter what…
and so the journey goes on -
until it ceases to exist…
My eternal I 
further ventures
into the wonderland 
of the bodiless soul of adventure -
I will never cease, 
nor desist, 
because without a doubt, 
I know I fully exist.

~~ Other People's Fingerprints ~~
 William F. Scolavino wrote;
“The height of your accomplishments
will equal the depth of your convictions.”