Los Angeles 2010: Exhausted from My Own Betrayal

Day and night cooperate
to unify the whole,

day does not oppress night, 
and dark does not suppress light -

each at their core 
contains the truth of the other.

Life is alchemical 
and always, 
ever and ever more, 
forever and ever after,

a restorative dance 
moving 
with a sense 
of optimism 
for the future.

My beliefs and choices 
are personal to my Self.
Mere intellectual concepts 

made to be naturally altered,

destroyed in each moment 

to enable and expand 
the art of my Self 
experiencing expression.

I craft my Self aware, 

sculpt my Self identity, 

I am, and so I am, 

recreationally Self defining.

Each day I birth 
the extraordinary lightness of my being

to oversee the demise 
of my dualistic mediocracy.

To oppose any divisive rule 
imposed on me, by my own 

mediocre Self governing principals.

I expose the pain 
that I experience 

to transcend and transform 
the pain that I cause.

The nature of creation 
is spiraling escalation.
Even during times of contraction 

I am simultaneously expanding. 

The challenge of my unknown 

sharpens my sense of Self determination,

the confrontation of my Self, known -

challenges my unknown, 
Heightens my sense 
of Self realization.

Life is not a test, 
I am, I exist, and all ready

I know the score.

I am not afraid 
of placing my attention 
on the beauty in this world.

I do not believe evil 
will grow unruly 
if devoid of my gaze.

Simply I have learned, 

and so I am aware, 

that love transforms.

The gain after the fire 
is the replenishment of the earth.

After the storm the air is clear.

I still and redefine my past behind me 

to carry nothing more ahead of me, 
than my purity forward within me.

I still and create vibrant 
child-like innocence and trust.
I believe in being present,
and in being present, that

I will be an experience, 
of decorous acts that decorate 
all that is around me.

One way to create depreciation, 
of all demeaning and devious acts,
is to create value in appreciating
all that holds love for meaningful peace.

I still and meditate 

on restorative peace 

to strengthen the harmony 

of my core’s presence –

especially when the experience 

all around me is disheartening 
and dishonest.

I still and purify, 

any and all discord and dissonance,

by being present,
and so my presence 
synchronizes my actions -

Sounds out and manifests 

significant resonance which orchestrates 
the unification of my story.

How can I be so nonsensical 
in such a sensual world?

Beauty all around me, 

how could I behave as if 
this world smells 
only repulsive and unattractive?

Vibrating color 
unappreciated is tasteless, 

an unsavory course 
that causes indiscrete irregularity.

If Soul is left unknown and untouched, 

we lay in virginal beds of senseless determination –

only to die mind-numbing deaths.

Pretending, to be something other than we are, is boring.

Whoever said that monotony 
and effort are required 

to be in relationship 
with one’s Self -

was masquerading 
as a Self saboteur, 

a Self controlled artist 
restraining their own imagination.

I clear my mind, 

continuously and effortlessly,

I die to the past to remain present 
in simplicity and meditate 

transforming my lunacy -

all that insanely contorts and extorts 

my Soul from my familiar peaceful patterns.

I am not blind 
in a world 
of growing illumination.

In such a musical world 

I hear the song of life 

animating the vessel of my meaning.

Role playing, to play a role, takes so much effort.

An exertion so full of impotent try,

that it manifests tiresome inertia 

into ever and ever deepening virulent weakness.

I sleep for days when I am inauthentic, 

exhausted from my own betrayal.

~~ Other People's Fingerprint ~~

Sometime after 1923 Brendan Behan wrote;

“Many of our fears are tissue paper thin,

and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.”

                         "Self Portrait" by Karin Lisa Atkinson

Photography by Karin Lisa Atkinson

Yucatan 1986: Integrated Power Produces Certainty

I think I am dreaming, 
when I see a face of a woman,

trapped in the ruins of a temple, 
overlooking the ocean.

I see this woman imagine her future, 
and then let go of her grasp on time.

Her next choice is cleared, 
reduced into an incremental moment.

Her result is grounded,
an accessible next step in time.

I touch the crumbling stone ledge, 
the angelic-fallings resting

on this window sill, 
still here, 
as a life-force-surge imprinted by sorrow.

The woman’s essence remains, 
from once upon a time long before now.

Confined and ghostly-hand printed
transparent remnants left for me to feel

and fold into my presence – 
this woman has surpassed time and its boundaries.

The woman’s emotions enter 
and overwhelm me – 
I feel her.

I feel her fear 
that her soul is falling, 
over a cliff edge

to be frenzied and churned, 
by the milky-white waves crashing below.

People here tell me stories of a Goddess,

who guards these temple grounds, 
where she was eventually imprisoned.

She found absolution in isolation -
isolation in birth and isolation in death.

Memory is a force, 
that goes beyond this incarnation.

Without knowing why
I am transported back in time

to the moment 
my consciousness entered the fertilized egg.

I tap into the courage awarded me
the moment I chose birth canal exit 
into an expanded community of consciousness.

Memory it is not a force that needs to be feared.
Memory communicates to me
to recall my personal power –

the unique, individualized original essence of me.

My afterbirth bits of my energy ...
I unconsciously left behind ...
somewhere ...
scattered back in time ...
overtime embedded within
the various life experiences, of me.

Our bodies can reflect 
the sum, total, all 
of our experience.

Empowered and strengthened
I am carried to the ledges of my own intentions.

I do not yet comprehend my decisions,

but I am required to face the fear
of my unknown choices.

I must let go not knowing
what my results will surrender me to.

Perhaps this Mayan woman, 
whose spirit has long since passed from this planet, 

intentionally left behind
the heart-prints of her Soul to show me ...

how to use my intention
to replenish my passion,

and integrate this power ...
my power into my presence.

Since re-membering all my experiences, 
from birth into present time,

I feel less like a concept
and more grounded in the reality of my own existence.

I feel less scattered, shattered and overshadowed,

I feel more fully the daily experience of reincarnating  -
waking up and reintegrating back into my body.

Each event surrounding my past, present and future 
has clarified and cleared 
from my felt experiences held within my body.

The sensation of my integrated power releasing
produces a certain kind of certainty -

certainty that I am ...
certainty that being still ...
certainty that being at peace ...
creates a certain kind of knowingness ...
that I am here.

~~ Other People's Fingerprints ~~

Sometime around the year 600 BC, Sappho wrote;

“You may forget but let me tell you this:

someone in some future time will think of us…

Although they are only breath, 
words … are immortal.”

"Spring New Growth" by Karin Lisa Atkinson

Image Credit: Tz'utujil Mayan Indigenous Art of Guatemala

"The Secret Life of Water"